Former Phoenix Fire Chief Alan Brunacini spent nearly 50 years in the fire service and helped shape modern thinking around customer service. He lived by a simple phrase: “Be nice.”
I have my own slightly less polished version: Don’t be an asshole.
I say it at work, in meetings, and when I teach. Not for shock value, and not because I’m trying to be vulgar.
“Be nice” tells me something about how I should treat you. “Don’t be an asshole” forces me to look at myself.
For me, that’s the harder part.
It’s easy to be nice when things are going well and the people around you aren’t testing your patience.
The real challenge comes when someone disappoints you, hurts you, makes you angry, or you’re just done dealing with them.
That’s when “don’t be an asshole” really means something.
I ran into one of those situations recently.
Someone I wasn’t on particularly good terms with was on my Sam’s Club membership, and it was about to expire. I wasn’t renewing it because I don’t use it enough during the baseball off-season.
I could have said nothing and let them find out on their own. But that might have meant an embarrassing situation at the register.
So I sent a quick heads-up. I really didn't want to, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I chose to not be an asshole.
Not being an asshole... that matters in leadership, too. Even when you might have every right to be one.
My goal as a person - and as a leader - is to never be an asshole. That goal is ridiculously unrealistic.
So let's throw some common sense into the mix: I'm going to make a conscious attempt to check my knee-jerk reaction before I act on it. I know I'm going to mess up sometimes - when I do, I'll own it, try to fix it, and learn from it. (*)
Remember, sometimes showing up for others means showing up for yourself too.
(*) Side note: This wasn’t a goal when I started writing this post. But along the way, I realized this is the kind of person - and leader - I want to be, so I’m committing to it.